She-Hulk and Slut Shaming
Smashing the Narrative
I am unashamedly a nerd. I love comics, superheroes, magic, fantasy, sci-fi, and all the myriad of ways that pop culture tells these stories, whether that be tv shows, movies or books. I love the creation of cinematic universes for these characters that many of us grew up reading about. While many internet jockeys don’t love the series, She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, I do.
I love it because it is comic faithful and a fresh perspective on what could easily be a tired trope. It’s meta, but also self-aware of being meta. It’s critical of the formulaic qualities of the Marvel Cinematic Universe while also reveling in the cameo connections to the larger MCU. But most of all, I enjoy it because it effortlessly zigs when you expect it to zag, and this show is not afraid to tackle some issues that many women can relate to. It depicts many of these issues in the proper perspective for our main heroine rather than glossing them over or not giving them the gravitas that these events call for.
Case in point, the slut-shaming scene which took place at the end of episode 8: “Ribbit and Rip It.” This episode ends with Jen Walters, the titular She-Hulk, is to receive an award for her career as an attorney. Her evening of professional triumph is shattered when hackers from a hate filled website, geared towards death threats towards She-Hulk, called Inteligencia release a non-consensually filmed sex video. A video they obtained from her love interest, Josh, who was working undercover for the group. She smashes the tv screen in a humiliation-filled rage as her co-workers, boss, and peers look on, leading to her detainment.
The message to all empowered women is that despite our power, we are also vulnerable to those who feel threatened by that power. She-Hulk watched her privacy violated, her sexuality judged, and her trust betrayed. All which occurred because she had the audacity to exist as a woman who has sex for pleasure. When she reacts in justified anger at this violation of her privacy, she is punished for it. This is not a new message. An as an audience member, we know what the result will be before she does, because women in our society are not allowed to get angry at being violated. If we do, we are dismissed.
This is brilliantly illustrated in the pilot episode where Jen masters controlling her transformation and integrating her Hulk side almost instantly because as she puts it, “I’m great at controlling my anger…I do it pretty much every day. If I don’t, I’ll get called ‘emotional,’ or ‘difficult,’ or I might just literally get murdered. So, I’m an expert at controlling my anger because I do it infinitely more than you.” This makes her loss of control even more meaningful because it was precipitated by the same attack that society has always used to take down powerful women, by passing judgement on their sexual expression, aka slut shaming.
As both a nerd and a Hotwife, I felt the show missed an opportunity here to zig instead of zag and change the standard narrative. There are few pop culture references celebrating sexually empowered women without trying to undercut them. Very rarely do you see a woman unapologetically pursue sexual pleasure and NOT be punished as a result. Not even the superhero She-Hulk is allowed this, despite the show’s self-awareness and meta tendencies. How much more empowering could this show have been if she had been supported in her justifiable rage instead of being punished?
We see this reflected in real life too. From the monogamous relationship of Pam and Tommy Lee’s sex tape scandal to the Becky and Jerry Falwell cuckolding scandal. Women are consistently the ones thrown under the bus when their sexual expression deviates from what society has deemed acceptable. In the documentary Queer for Fear, Nay Beaver says, “Women are haunted by the specter of social expectations or by their own desires or some combination of the two.” There is a fear of bucking society’s expectations of what it means to be a “good wife.” But there is also the fear of what acknowledging their own sexual desires beyond their marriages means to their identities. We wrestle with the idea of being thought of as a slut and subsequently shamed for it.
Think of the phrase, “a woman of loose morals.” Despite our progress as a society, there is implicit bias that women who have multiple partners are somehow lacking morals. According to Wikipedia, “The common denotative meanings of slut are ‘sexually promiscuous woman’,[1] or ‘immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute’.[2] These definitions identify a slut as a woman of low character.” This definition dates all the way back to 1450 in Middle English language and demonstrates centuries of social conditioning.
This deeply imbedded fear is something that I think is difficult for many men seeking consensual non-monogamy to understand. They haven’t always grasped the years of societal conditioning and messaging which women must unpack and examine in their own lives. Even couples who have embraced consensual non-monogamy find that this ingrained societal conditioning pops up in unexpected ways as their dynamic evolves. Men who seek to encourage their wives to pursue their own sexual empowerment would do well to look to pop culture. Make a list of tv, movies or even real-life stories and the portrayal of the many depictions of sexual shaming and examine how the women faired afterwards.
The same type of slut shaming that Jen Walters receives as She-Hulk has happened to women in the Lifestyle. They have had their careers torched, been doxed, mocked, and lives upended because they dared to express their sexuality in an alternative or unapologetic way. The very nature of a Hotwife/Cuckolding relationship is that the woman is the active participant. Therefore, she is most at risk of receiving the punishment if that relationship is exposed to societal condemnation.
So how does Jen Walters handle the societal fall out from her slut-shaming and subsequent rage fueled episode? She rewrites the ending of her own story, literally. She smashes the clichéd over-reaching plot developments that make no sense and upends the entire narrative by reclaiming her sexual power free of judgment. Her ending of She-Hulk proffers us a version of reality that supports sexually empowered women. She’s a Hulk, and as she puts it, “I smash fourth walls and bad endings. And sometimes Matt Murdock.”
We women in this Lifestyle need to take a page out of She-Hulk’s playbook. By reclaiming the word slut, we can redefine what it means to be a sexually empowered woman. We can embrace our power and create a world that supports and celebrates us. We need to smash the bad narratives of Cuckolding and Hotwifing or other forms of non-monogamy. Like She-Hulk, we should smash the porn stereotypes and slut-shaming. And sometimes, our playmates.
As usual, here is my quick disclaimer that I am not a licensed health or sexual expert, all opinions are my own and do not constitute medical advice. Join me on the Mōn app to discuss this article in more detail. If you enjoyed this post, reach out to me on Twitter or Instagram with more ideas. If you want to support more toy reviews and other articles, please consider buying me a coffee!
