Going Feral
Primal Urges
I was recently interviewed for a fantastic podcast called Cuck My Life. Four lovely gentlemen invited me to discuss hotwifing, kink, and how I identity as a Primal. If you ask any Primal to describe what being Primal means to them, you will get some wildly different answers.
For me, it describes how my sexuality with my partners manifests. It has a lot to do with the sexual chemistry I have with my partners. It can vary drastically within the sexual encounter as we feed off each other’s energy. I also enjoy rough sex: biting, clawing, licking, smelling, and physical maneuvering. But Primal Play isn’t just rough sex. It can be part of it, but all rough sex isn’t Primal Play. There is a lot more to it than that.
When I first began in my journey into CNM, I considered myself a Switch. I could be dominant as needed or submissive depending on my needs in the moment. I am Dominant with my husband, but I found that I was seeking to have my physical urges for Primal Play, such as grappling, fulfilled. I made the incorrect assumption that this was a desire to submit. I was equating rough sex with dominance. However, I wasn’t feeling mentally dominated by the men I was engaging with.
My friend describes the idea of Primal as: “A Primal is someone whose sexual preference, identity, or orientation is neither consistently dominant nor submissive, but can be either depending upon the environment, situation, and personal dynamic with others. Similar to a switch, this type of dynamic is also versatile; however, Primals usually engage in a conscious or unconscious struggle for dominance. This struggle can occur on a physical, psychological, or sexual chemistry level. It is quite common that Primals identify with animalistic aspects and traits in their relationships and sexuality.”
A UK based Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey, an Accredited Advanced GSRD (Gender, Sex, Relationship Diversity) Therapist, sex and intimacy coach, and registered psychologist was interviewed for an article on Primal play. “A primal kink or fetish involves gaining sexual pleasure through engaging in a primal way,” explains Dr Lori. “The primal part of the brain is responsible for survival, so it is supposed that our basic instincts towards finding food, self-protection, and reproduction are the ones that are primal.”
People enjoy Primal play for various reasons. They can tap into their animalistic nature. Primal Play can involve heightened sensory experiences, power dynamics, catharsis, fantasy role play like predator and prey, and deep emotional intimacy. There are a lot of misconceptions. While tapping into an animalistic nature, it isn’t just about acting like an animal. It’s not the same thing as being a Furry or engaging in Puppy Play. Those are two amazing kinks on their own. The most dangerous misconception is that you don’t need limits or boundaries. Another dangerous one is that you are not responsible for your actions because you’re acting on instinct.
I enjoy Primal play for several reasons, but one of my favorites is the opportunity to drop the façade of civility and just go completely feral. Odaxelagnia is a paraphillia involving sexual arousal through biting or being bitten and is considered a mild form of sadomasochism. I have a touch of odaxelagnia, and Primal play is an outlet for that as well. Ultimately, it’s me at my most vulnerable and gives me the opportunity to connect deeply with my partners at a visceral level. For me Primal Play can also be incredibly sensual.
If you are interested in learning more about all the variety of Primal Play, there are some amazing kink educators that teach some great online courses. Check out Lee Harrington at https://www.passionandsoul.com/. Also check out Evie Lupine at https://domsubliving.com/evie-lupine-the-complete-guide-to-primal-play/.
As usual, here is my quick disclaimer that I am not a licensed health or sexual expert, all opinions are my own and do not constitute medical advice. Join me on the Mōn app to discuss this review in more detail. If you enjoyed this review, reach out to me on Twitter or Instagram with more ideas. If you want to support more reviews and other articles, please consider buying me a coffee!
